First of all I can easily say that I have never for even a second regretted having a second child. Sure R and I sometimes fantasize how our lives would be if we had only Anna and sometimes we do get overwhelmed but those moments are fleeting. What I do feel each and every day is a deep sense of contentment, a frisson of joy, the conviction that this is what was right for us all. Specially now that Niki is almost one and half years old and they are able to really play with each other. It just fills me with so much joy to see them together, to know that they have each other and I hope so much that they remain close to each other throughout their lives.
For me the transition from one to two was much easier than the transition from zero to one. When Anna was born I really struggled for the first few months and I feel that I was able to get comfortable with my new life only after she was a year old. Mostly it was ignorance (I had never been around babies before for more than an hour or so and was the first among my cousins/friends to have a baby), and the shock over how much my life had changed took some time to get over. Second time around I went into it with my eyes wide open, my body and mind were much better prepared to handle the change, I no longer expected anything to be easy and it wasn’t but I could handle it. It was tough, our lives had slowly gotten back on ‘track’ now that Anna was no longer a baby and everything changed again. Having two is definitely tougher than having one but I never doubted for a second that it was worth it, I never wanted to rewind time to before the delivery like I used to wish about doing in the first few weeks after Anna’s birth.
In fact now I feel I could have even handled them closer in age and am so glad that they are still fairly close – three years apart. School wise they may be four years apart since Niki is August born and most schools have a June cut-off but I guess that doesn’t matter much.
Overall I just feel so happy that I am done. Though I have enjoyed Anna’s and Niki’s first years, I have realized that I like the toddler and preschooler stages much more. I feel that the painful parts are over and we can maybe soon start enjoying the fruits of the hard work; seeing them playing together, entertaining each other, and basically giving us some time to have a life apart from them. Sometimes it seems to me that for the past more than five years I have either been pregnant or had a baby at home and not done so many of the things young couples in our position take for granted. Hopefully in a couple more years life will be easier, but even if it isn’t, seeing them together makes it more than worth it.