I have done an almost complete flip since my post last year. Last year, I was almost sure that I did not have it in me to have another baby. Now, baby fever has struck big time! It could have something to do with the fact that we are surrounded by babies – my cousin S had a baby girl in March, my brother had another baby girl in July and my cousin R is due with TWINS in November. To add to that my baby-sitter is also pregnant. Even then, there is more to it. I now really, really, really want another baby.
I don’t know exactly when I changed. When I went from no more to I want another baby right now. I dream about having another for a substantial amount of time everyday. R always wanted another one so I guess there’s nothing stopping us :). Though I would like nothing more than to start immediately, we will have to wait for a few months. No big reason but just many small ones adding up – R is starting a new job on Monday and his new office is further away. That means more time on the road and less time at home. My mom is busy with my brother’s baby and I want to give her some breathing space. My baby-sitter is pregnant and will be leaving in October. Anna is extremely attached to her and we will have a tough time finding a suitable replacement. I know these are not big reasons but I don’t want to add to the confusion. Plus this time I really want to plan it well. Anna was not a planned baby and we want to have at least the false illusion of control this time around.
My target (as if I am talking about some business proposal) is sometime next year. I just can’t wait! I know it will be tough, I know that our lives which have slowly come back on track after the months of newborn/baby chaos will dive back into even greater chaos, I know that Anna might have a tough time adjusting (she is very possessive about me), I sometimes feel a bit wistful that I will not be able to baby her as much as I do know, I know that after working so hard in the past few months to get back on track at office, my work will now suffer again. But I just don’t care. I know that the joys and rewards will be far-far greater than any troubles, I know that Anna will be a great big sister, I know that she will have a sibling to love and cherish for the rest of her life, I know that my NEED for a baby is far stronger than anything else.
I am also hoping that this time around it will not be so difficult. We are no longer a young, free couple who will miss their freedom and comforts. I also hope that I will be much smarter in some ways and not make the same mistakes again.
All this is of course still in my head. I am not pregnant and most probably will not be for a few months more. But just thinking about all this makes me so happy.
Anna’s school celebrated Janmashtmi yesterday. Here is a photo of the little Radha.